I worked in a cafe that served Starbucks coffee for over a year. Before that I was capable of ordering a caramel macchiato or a frap light without assistance. Now I can tell you the difference between any menu drinks, how to customize it, etc. I can basically turn the Starbucks menu into a simple wikipedia article for you. More importantly, I can take your order Jeopardy style. You come up to me looking confused and drooling ever so slightly. I ask you simple questions until we narrow down what drink you're looking for.
Is it hot or cold? -cold
Does it have ice cubes or is it frothy like a milkshake? -umm...smooth?
Okay that's a frappuccio.
Did it taste like coffee? -yes
Did it have whipped cream? -yes
Were there toppings on the whipped cream? -umm
Okay. Did it taste like chocolate? -yes
Did it taste like peppermint? -no
Cherries? -no
Okay that's a mocha frap. It should have chocolate drizzle on the whipped cream. If it doesn't, hand it back to whomever made it. You can get it decaf, with or without whip, and with whatever level of sugar, chocolate, or type of milk you want. PS mocha syrup is way worse for you than caramel, hazelnut, etc.
Sometimes I'd even go the extra mile; when you pick out the perfect bra at Victoria's Secret after 45 minutes of feeling lumpy and gross trying on every bra in the store and jumping up and down in it, they give you a card with the type of bra you purchased and the size. That way, in 6 months when you need another one and you have forgotten everything you ever knew about bras, you can pull the card out of your wallet and save yourself an hour. Sometimes, after going through 20 questions with the coffee impaired, I'd write them a little note on piece of receipt tape so they'd be able to go into any Starbucks store and order with confidence.
But let's talk about how to order drinks at Starbucks more generally.
Is the person taking your drink order standing ready to push register buttons or are they holding a marker in one hand and hovering their other over a stack of cups?
If they are in front of the register:
-Choose a type of beverage. (eg. latte, coffee, frap)
-Specify the flavoring (eg mocha latte, decaf sumatra coffee, caramel frap)
-Specify the size
-Hot or cold (except if you're ordering a frap it's gonna be cold and you have no choice)
*By this point the person should have stopped pushing buttons and picked up a cup. If they haven't done that and aren't writing on the cup or making your drink; you have a 60% chance of not getting what you ordered.
-Special flavoring?
-Special milk preferences?
-Special toppings?
-Extra shot of espresso or decaf?
Yay! You've ordered.
If they are holding the marker and ready to pounce on the cups:
-Hot or cold beverage (you could say frap here)
-Size of beverage
-Type of beverage
-Special flavoring?
-Special milk preferences?
-Special toppings?
-Extra shot of espresso or decaf?
*If a different person rings you up and doesn't look at the cup first you've found the hole in the system; you can get away with telling them the size and beverage type but not the extras you ordered . No one will know and Starbucks will loose money. Yay!
Why the change in the first three steps? The computer wants you to choose a category and a size before any extras. The flavor sometimes determines the category. A lot of your extras like topping and caffeine level may not go into the computer at all, and if you don't follow that order the server may stop listening to you and your requests won't make it onto the cup. Similarly, if you are talking to someone who desperately wants to write out your cup to take your order, they need to know what size cup and if it needs a hot or cold cup before they can write anything down.
If you follow these steps not only are you likely to get the worker to write down your order correctly, but they may start to suspect you're an employee or a secret shopper and they will be more careful in making your drink. Maybe someday I will tell you even more about how not to suck at Starbucks.
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