NaNoWriMo

It's NaNoWriMo!

Who's-a-what-now?

It stands for National Novel Writing Month.  The idea being that a lot of people want to write a novel but are so daunted by the task that they never get to far.  Instead of viewing novel writing a write, edit, throw out, rewrite, cry, write some more, process, you just take one month to try to write 50,000 words.  It doesn't matter if 3/4 of those words are "poopy" copy and pasted over and over again on your screen, at least you wrote something.  By limiting time and setting a goal of word count, writers are encouraged to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and simply get words out there.  Editing can come later, plot can emerge on its own.  I think the biggest accomplishment is in showing people that it can be done, that writing lengthy works isn't an insurmountable block. 

Personally?  I'm not doing it.  While I love novels; series of novels; shows with multi-episode, multi-season story arches; and movie series, I don't consider myself to write in that fashion.  I enjoy writing in 1-5 page spans.  I've been corralled into writing longer pieces pretty much only in an academic setting.  I got though two such papers based on my own research, and I could see myself writing a book along those lines, but like many academically inclined books, the chapters would be independently sustainable with only common themes emerging between them.

Maybe when I'm older I'll be more interested in writing a novel.  However, I like the idea of doing something creative with my month.  I'm going to make more of an effort to blog, paint, craft, and read this month.  We're still a ways off from New Years, and Lent was a long time ago.  Some consider this to be the Holiday Season, but I think we can leave December as a time for family and charity and make November a time for creativity. 

Good luck to you NaNoWriMo-ers!  I look forward to reading your future novels.  Be creative, have fun, and prove to yourself that you can do it!  Happy November 1^st to all!

Page Views - They're Just Like Romance

Like most of the great bloggers, I fell into this trap where I didn't really have a blog "mission" so my posts ended up being about these five-really-great-ideas-I-had-all-at-once and there were all lot of those great ideas and some of them were even cohesive enough to travel out of my brain and into the keyboard so I could share them with all of you. 

And then the honeymoon period ended.  Blogging wasn't this shiny new thing I was trying out that could be a relic of my 20-something years like my MySpace posts were for my teens, and it also didn't seem to be something that was going to show the world how I was super cool and awesome like Yo Mamma or Allie Brosh.  I was on the lookout for my relationship with Boyfriend to get all un-honeymoon-ish like that (it hasn't, by the way) but I wasn't ready for the shine to wear off of Blogger. 

Sorry, Blogger.  It isn't your fault. 

But like most great bloggers I'll power on and through and up and forward and possibly at least four other prepositions. And in the mean time, people have actually come across my blog!  I don't even think all of them are the two people I told about my blog because I checked the stats and it looks like people have stumbled across my blog from Google searches and have done so from the far reaches of the world.  Awesome. 

I also noticed that they're coming across it when googling what a pseudo problem actually is.  I guess that means maybe they didn't actually want to read a blog.  On the plus side, it makes me think that presenting quasi-philosophical facts in a humorous manner might actually get me more page views.  Page views bring the romance back into my blogging relationship. 

Now, actual followers, commenters, internet friends...that will have to wait.  I'm ambitious but not stupid.

You Suck at Starbucks

I worked in a cafe that served Starbucks coffee for over a year.  Before that I was capable of ordering a caramel macchiato or a frap light without assistance.  Now I can tell you the difference between any menu drinks, how to customize it, etc.  I can basically turn the Starbucks menu into a simple wikipedia article for you.  More importantly, I can take your order Jeopardy style.  You come up to me looking confused and drooling ever so slightly.  I ask you simple questions until we narrow down what drink you're looking for.

Is it hot or cold? -cold
Does it have ice cubes or is it frothy like a milkshake? -umm...smooth?
Okay that's a frappuccio. 
Did it taste like coffee? -yes
Did it have whipped cream? -yes
Were there toppings on the whipped cream? -umm
Okay. Did it taste like chocolate? -yes
Did it taste like peppermint? -no
Cherries? -no

Okay that's a mocha frap.  It should have chocolate drizzle on the whipped cream.  If it doesn't, hand it back to whomever made it.  You can get it decaf, with or without whip, and with whatever level of sugar, chocolate, or type of milk you want.  PS mocha syrup is way worse for you than caramel, hazelnut, etc.

Sometimes I'd even go the extra mile; when you pick out the perfect bra at Victoria's Secret after 45 minutes of feeling lumpy and gross trying on every bra in the store and jumping up and down in it, they give you a card with the type of bra you purchased and the size.  That way, in 6 months when you need another one and you have forgotten everything you ever knew about bras, you can pull the card out of your wallet and save yourself an hour.  Sometimes, after going through 20 questions with the coffee impaired, I'd write them a little note on piece of receipt tape so they'd be able to go into any Starbucks store and order with confidence. 

But let's talk about how to order drinks at Starbucks more generally. 
Is the person taking your drink order standing ready to push register buttons or are they holding a marker in one hand and hovering their other over a stack of cups?

If they are in front of the register:
-Choose a type of beverage. (eg. latte, coffee, frap)
-Specify the flavoring (eg mocha latte, decaf sumatra coffee, caramel frap)
-Specify the size
-Hot or cold (except if you're ordering a frap it's gonna be cold and you have no choice)
*By this point the person should have stopped pushing buttons and picked up a cup.  If they haven't done that and aren't writing on the cup or making your drink; you have a 60% chance of not getting what you ordered.
-Special flavoring?
-Special milk preferences?
-Special toppings?
-Extra shot of espresso or decaf?
Yay! You've ordered.

If they are holding the marker and ready to pounce on the cups:
-Hot or cold beverage (you could say frap here)
-Size of beverage
-Type of beverage
-Special flavoring?
-Special milk preferences?
-Special toppings?
-Extra shot of espresso or decaf?
*If a different person rings you up and doesn't look at the cup first you've found the hole in the system; you can get away with telling them the size and beverage type but not the extras you ordered .  No one will know and Starbucks will loose money.  Yay!

Why the change in the first three steps?  The computer wants you to choose a category and a size before any extras.  The flavor sometimes determines the category.  A lot of your extras like topping and caffeine level may not go into the computer at all, and if you don't follow that order the server may stop listening to you and your requests won't make it onto the cup.  Similarly, if you are talking to someone who desperately wants to write out your cup to take your order, they need to know what size cup and if it needs a hot or cold cup before they can write anything down.

If you follow these steps not only are you likely to get the worker to write down your order correctly, but they may start to suspect you're an employee or a secret shopper and they will be more careful in making your drink.  Maybe someday I will tell you even more about how not to suck at Starbucks.